This is why I so want to get my book published. Thanks for pointing this article out.
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Tag Archives: depression
What to do if your pastor or loved one suffers from depression
I am working on an appendix for the book right now. This is a question that I seem to answer a lot. I have my own answers to this question, which I will post in a bit, but I would like to hear from you. How would you answer the above question? If you are a parishoner, spouse or friend of someone (pastor or not) who suffers from depression, what should you do?
What to do if your pastor or loved one suffers from depression
I am working on an appendix for the book right now. This is a question that I seem to answer a lot. I have my own answers to this question, which I will post in a bit, but I would like to hear from you. How would you answer the above question? If you are a parishoner, spouse or friend of someone (pastor or not) who suffers from depression, what should you do?
Not understood
I’m visiting with a parishoner the other day, I was struck once again by how completely misunderstood clinical depression is, in all of its various forms. This parishoner felt terribly guilty because he couldn’t spend any time with his family. He felt selfish that he had to spend so much of his time nad energy just on being able to function in a normal way. Two hours with the kids might mean 10 hours of time alone wiht quiet and no stress.
Was this person being selfish? No! They are sick. When you are sick there are certain things you need to do in order to get well. If you are talking about chronic sickness, there are certain things you can do, and others that you simply can’t. It isn’t a sign of moral failure. It is a sign of the fallenness and general sickness of our world and our own bodies. I urged this person to remember that they are doing what they do in order to get better. They are doing it so that they can fulfill their vocations as husband and father and worker. They aren’t being selfish. Far from it. They are being selfless.
It is easy when you are in the midst of the darkenss to think that you are coddling yourself by having to spend so much time alone and in little or no stress situations. When I was on disability, I played 157 rounds of golf. It took a lot of time, it cost a fortune, and I absolutely needed it. Why? Quiet. No family, no church, no email, no outside distractions, no stimulation beyond what was right in from of me. I’m sure there were more economical ways to do it. But this was my way. It worked.
So if you are in the midst of the darkness, don’t feel guilty about doing what you need to do to get better. You are doing them so that you will be able to be with your family and friends again. You are doing them so that you can serve you neighbor as best as you are able. And God is with you, will cover up your weaknesses, and use you to His glory and for the welfare of many. Including your family and friends.
-DMR
Not understood
I’m visiting with a parishoner the other day, I was struck once again by how completely misunderstood clinical depression is, in all of its various forms. This parishoner felt terribly guilty because he couldn’t spend any time with his family. He felt selfish that he had to spend so much of his time nad energy just on being able to function in a normal way. Two hours with the kids might mean 10 hours of time alone wiht quiet and no stress.
Was this person being selfish? No! They are sick. When you are sick there are certain things you need to do in order to get well. If you are talking about chronic sickness, there are certain things you can do, and others that you simply can’t. It isn’t a sign of moral failure. It is a sign of the fallenness and general sickness of our world and our own bodies. I urged this person to remember that they are doing what they do in order to get better. They are doing it so that they can fulfill their vocations as husband and father and worker. They aren’t being selfish. Far from it. They are being selfless.
It is easy when you are in the midst of the darkenss to think that you are coddling yourself by having to spend so much time alone and in little or no stress situations. When I was on disability, I played 157 rounds of golf. It took a lot of time, it cost a fortune, and I absolutely needed it. Why? Quiet. No family, no church, no email, no outside distractions, no stimulation beyond what was right in from of me. I’m sure there were more economical ways to do it. But this was my way. It worked.
So if you are in the midst of the darkness, don’t feel guilty about doing what you need to do to get better. You are doing them so that you will be able to be with your family and friends again. You are doing them so that you can serve you neighbor as best as you are able. And God is with you, will cover up your weaknesses, and use you to His glory and for the welfare of many. Including your family and friends.
-DMR
A Sham
When I get depressed, I feel like a fake.
I get tired easy. I can’t write sermons. I don’t want to prepare for bible class. I don’t want to see or talk to people. I don’t want to do anything at all.
All of which raises the question for me, why am I a pastor?
I know it’s a phase. I know it will pass. But it just keeps happening. I want somebody to slap me and say SNAP OUT OF IT! Of course, it doesn’t work that way. I wish I knew the formula. X amount of sleep plus Y amount of quiet time plus Z amount of no stress equals slump gone.
So what is the formula? Will someone tell me the secret?
Thanks,
-DMR
A Sham
When I get depressed, I feel like a fake.
I get tired easy. I can’t write sermons. I don’t want to prepare for bible class. I don’t want to see or talk to people. I don’t want to do anything at all.
All of which raises the question for me, why am I a pastor?
I know it’s a phase. I know it will pass. But it just keeps happening. I want somebody to slap me and say SNAP OUT OF IT! Of course, it doesn’t work that way. I wish I knew the formula. X amount of sleep plus Y amount of quiet time plus Z amount of no stress equals slump gone.
So what is the formula? Will someone tell me the secret?
Thanks,
-DMR
Physician Assisted Suicide and Depression in Oregon
Kudos to First Things for bringing this article to my attention on the astonishing rate of physician assisted suicides that have an association with clinical depression. Here’s the pertinent portion:
In 2007, none of the 46 people in Oregon who used physician-assisted suicide were evaluated by a psychologist or psychiatrist, the news release said.
For the new study, researchers at Oregon Health and Sciences University checked for depression or anxiety in 58 terminally ill patients who’d requested physician-assisted suicide or had contacted an assisted death organization. Fifteen of the patients met the criteria for depression and 13 for anxiety.
By the end of the study, 42 patients had died. Of those, 18 received a prescription for a lethal medication, and nine died by lethal ingestion. Of those who received a prescription for a lethal medication, three met the criteria for depression. All three died by lethal ingestion within two months of being assessed by researchers.
Luther is credited with saying that those who commit suicide are akin to someone who has been overcome by robbers in the woods. In this case the robbers are the very doctors who should be healing them. It is despicable to the point of incredulity that it would actually be legal to help someone with clinical depression commit suicide. I’m not sure how that qualifies as Death with Dignity. I would say that is more like Death by Evil Design.
You can tell the level of civilization of a nation by how it treats the helpless in her midst. Between abortion and euthaniasia we are slipping into barbarism more every day.
Talk about depressing. Lord, have mercy on us.
Longing for the fleshpots of Egypt
Ex. 16:1   They set out from Elim, and all the congregation of the people of Israel came to the wilderness of Sin, which is between Elim and Sinai, on the fifteenth day of the second month after they had departed from the land of Egypt. 2 And the whole congregation of the people of Israel grumbled against Moses and Aaron in the wilderness, 3 and the people of Israel said to them, “Would that we had died by the hand of the LORD in the land of Egypt, when we sat by the meat pots and ate bread to the full, for you have brought us out into this wilderness to kill this whole assembly with hunger.â€
I find myself longing to go on disability again, from time to time. When things get crazy, when the pressure is on, when I feel like I can’t handle all of the stress, I long for the fleshpots of Egypt. “Would that I could go back to lying around sleeping all day! Would that I could go back to no responsibilities, free to do whatever I want or feel! Would that I could ignore my family, my wife, my children, my church, my friends, my everything! Oh things would be so much better then!”
Have you felt that way? I have. I get that way when the going gets tough. I get that way when I just plain don’t want to deal with the stuff of life. I want to run. I want to hide. I want people to LEAVE ME ALONE and not bother me. Oh how I long for the good ole’ days of being sick.
Of course, what I forget is the despair which was my constant companion. I forget not being able to move, feeling like I lived in molasses, and that I couldn’t string two thoughts together. I forget that I couldn’t be in a “crowd” of more than about one person. I forget the suicidal thoughts, the darkness that covered me, and the utter impotence of life under the weight of depression. I forget these things only too easily.
God has blessed me with healing and hope. He has given my a family who loves me, a church who loves me, and many friends who have been there through everything. He has given me all of this, and more. He has given me His Son, who has gone down into the depths of despair and abandonment for me. He has given me His Holy Spirit, who comforts me when I am faint, and who prays with me and for me, even if I have not the words. All this and more He gives me.
What He gives to me, He gives to you. Do not be afraid of the darkness.
-DMR
Losing Weight & Depression
One of the many things that went in the tank when I got sick three years ago was my general health. There was a time (quite literally!) when my wife and I would run marathons. Okay, so I ran one marathon, but she’s run a bunch. When I got sick, physical health took an absolute back seat to mental health. What that mean is that i ballooned up about 60 pounds, which has caused a host of other problems with my feet, back, etc etc etc.
So now that I’m off of most of my medication, my wife and I decided it is time to begin losing this weight and reclaim another part of our lives.
The way that we have been most successful at eating well has been Weight Watchers. It’s concrete, they set limits and freedoms, and we have had a great deal of success with them over the years.
One of the things that is important about WW is attending the meetings every week. They are somewhat similar in nature to an AA or NA meeting, although I doubt they would ever admit it. So as I was sitting in our meeting this past week, I was struck with the parallels between losing weight and fighting depression. Here are some of the ones that popped into my head:
- Triggers. Certain events can serve as triggers for depressive behavior. The key is to A) recognize what they are and B) Develop strategies to either avoid the triggers or how to deal with them in less destructive ways.
- Take each day at a time. I know that for myself, I tend to globalize things. If I am having a bad day, it really doesn’t take much for me to convert that into a bad week or month or year. True for food, true for mental health. By looking at each day in itself, it helps one to keep focused, and minimizes the down times. “Sufficient for the day is its own trouble.”
- Plan. By acting in a purely reactionary mode, you can easily be caught off guard and get stuck in a worse situation that is really necessary. Recognize your limits and your strengths, and evaluate on that basis.
Those are three off the top of my head. Any others come to mind?
-DMR