I Trust When Dark My Road

A friend of mine recently pointed out this great quotation from David Karp:

“Much of depression’s pain arises out of the recognition that what might make one feel better–human connection– seems impossible in the midst of a paralyzing episode of depression. It is rather like dying from thirst while looking at a glass of water just beyond one’s reach ” — David A. Karp

This is from his book, Speaking of Sadness. I highly recommend it. He isn’t a Christian that I can tell, but he really grasps the reality of depression.

-DMR

The following is the blurb that is on page 10 of the Spring 2009 edition of Caring, from LCMS World Relief:

Free Resource Explores Clergy and Depression LCMS World Relief and Human Care’s newest resource reflects Rev. Todd Peperkorn’s personal journey through depression, I Trust When Dark My Road: A Lutheran View of Depression. LCMS WR-HC Executive Director Rev. Matthew Harrison recommends the book to all associated with professional church work: “This book offers a path to hope, and a future through Christ.” Dr. Beverly K. Yahnke, a licensed clinical psychologist, writes in the book’s forward: “When one’s mind and soul journey across the ghastly landscape of clinical depression, the adventure may challenge faith, hope, and life itself. … Peperkorn invites us into the world of a depressed Christian who remains reliant upon God’s grace.” The book is expected to be available in mid-June. To request your complimentary copy, call 800-248-1930, ext. 1380.

I am still trying to figure out if there is a way of ordering them online. LCMS World Relief is currently working on setting it up on their online store. As soon as that is available, I will give you the link. But in the meantime, I would encourage you to call and order as many as you want. The more that are ordered up front, the more helpful it is going to be for them in determining a print run. Please call them directly.

-DMR

PS Yes, my super double secret identity is now officially not secret anymore.

Darkness Is My Only Companion: A Christian Response to Mental Illness, by Kathryn Greene-McCreight

This is a book I am currently reading. It is written by an Episcopalian priest. Consider this your theological disclaimer. I’m certain that there are elements to the book that don’t fit a nice little Lutheran orthodox niche.

Having said that, I have found it about the best book on mental illness from a Christian perspective I have read thus far. She seems to have a pretty firm grasp of the theology of the cross and suffering, doesn’t gloss over the ugly parts, and finds hope in the resurrection.

Her lens through which she views mental illness is bipolar disorder. This is a very different beast than my own sickness, major clinical depression. This illness at different times has been called manic depressive, and many other titles which I won’t try to list. While clinical depression has lows and more lows, bipolar disorder is basically a roller coaster of ecstasy and despondency, bouncing from the two in a way which is nigh impossible to fathom for the outsider.

Here are a couple paragraphs from Greene-McCreight which I found poignant and insightful:

So, during mania, I felt completely different from the way I did at the depressive pole. Mania doesn’t hurt the way depression does. Depression meant that every breath, every thought, every moment of consciousness hurt. Every particle of my consciousness ached, throbbed, stung. Mania was the opposite: every breath, every movement, every image before my eyes, every thought sparkled, glittered magically, filled me with ecstasy. Centrifugal motion, bliss.

At this point, thanks to the medicine, I am not filled with ecstasy. Neither am I in agony. I just want to end my existence. I am tired-not physically,, no, because the medicine is working. HEaven forbid I should be physically tired. Leave it to American medicine to make a drug that provides productivity even during depressive episodes. But I am tired of existed inside of myself, I don’t want to be inside my own skin, am tired of feeling and talking and figuring out why I feel this way and that way, tired of putting off the inevitable, that I should return to the earth from which the muddy Adam was shaped. (p. 55)

Obviously this is not the portrait of a shiny, happy, victorious Christian. This is the picture of the sufferer, who struggles with the medication which continues existence and yet hates the existence it gives. I personally find it refreshing. I just get so sick of fake, infused happiness and joy. This false happiness isn’t as prevalent in Christianity now as it was ten years ago, but it is still very much there.

As I wrap up the book, I’ll try and offer a few more citations that will be of benefit, particularly looking at where we put our trust, and the interaction between medication, faith and therapy.

-DMR

I am currently working with my publisher to determine a quantity. If you were able to get copies of my book FOR FREE, for use in your congregation, district, circuit, etc, how many would you want?

No commitment. This is just an informal poll.

-DMR

Friends,

For those of you who have been on this journey with me for a while, you know that I have written a book that is in the process of being published.  Well, we are through doctrinal review, the copy editing is done, and I just got a sneak peek at the cover.  It looks great!  I don’t have a final ETA on the printing time yet, but we’re getting closer every day.

One thing that I know they/we are considering right now is making it available in both print and electronic editions.  I’m hoping we can get it out in as many formats as possible.  It’s not long.  People who suffer from depression don’t have the time or energy for tomes.  But I’m working on some of that material right now.  Any thoughts you have would be great!

Thanks for all your support, everyone.  You have all been a godsend to me over the past three years.

The title of the book, by the way, is

I Trust When Dark My Road:
A Lutheran View of Depression

-DMR